How to Let Go After a Breakup: A Guide to Healing Your Heart
A lot of people are currently in a space of healing from a breakup - maybe you're one of them. Whether someone has left you, you had to end things, or you're contemplating a breakup, it's a time that can shatter your heart and destroy your world for a moment.
You know deep down you need to let go, but the question is, how?
I want to talk about the art of letting go of someone or something you love and the depth of pain that comes with it. Because is the thing - in those moments, the pain can be so intense that we tend to distract ourselves rather than face it head-on.
I remember when I had to let go of someone a few years ago - a relationship that looked perfect on paper. We were engaged, traveling the world and his family loved me. It seemed like I had nothing to worry about, but deep down, I knew I was stuck and needed to let go. I was repeating unhealthy patterns over and over again and no matter what I tried, I couldn't break through while I was in that relationship. This breakup taught me that love isn't enough to make it work in the long run and that choosing myself was the most important thing I could do.
It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I envisioned marrying him and creating a family. Breaking up brought me to my knees and to be completely honest with you, I couldn't hold myself through the healing. I distracted myself with parties, drugs and dating, avoiding the space I needed to heal and truly let go. The result: I closed my heart and blocked love for almost 5 years.
Heartbreak as a Portal to Growth
Heartbreak can feel like life breaking you open so the light can come in and heal you.
It's an opportunity to become a new version of yourself. We may intellectually know this, but detachment is still incredibly hard. When you love someone, when you let them in, they become part of you, and that makes detaching feel impossible. What I realized is that detachment isn’t just about letting go of the person—it’s about letting go of the version of yourself you were in that relationship. It’s about releasing the life you had so you can heal and grow into who you're meant to become.
Want to know the three things I wish I had done when I broke up with my fiancé? I’ve came to realise that these are crucial steps if you want to truly heal and avoid repeating the same relationship patterns in the future. I’d also love to invite you to join the Thriving Woman Collective and become part of our lovely sisterhood. It’s completely free and you’ll also get instant access to my E-Book and audio trainings. Sign up now so that I can welcome you inside!
Three Steps to Healing After Heartbreak
1. Fully Surrender to the Pain
I will be direct. Accept what is. No matter how much you love them, accept that the relationship wasn’t serving your highest good. Allow yourself to feel the depth of the heartbreak. Grieve the relationship, but also grieve the future you had imagined together. By letting go of "what could have been" you free yourself from that emotional suffering. Cry, feel the emptiness… and allow yourself to miss them. This process is essential for healing.
2. Create a Ritual of Closure
You don’t need the other person to get closure. Create a ritual to honor the love and memories you shared. Be grateful for the lessons learned and for the person you’ve become through this experience. Rituals are a sacred way of reconnecting with yourself and trusting in the universe’s plan. Letting go creates space for something more aligned with your true self and you know that deep down.
3. Enter the Healing Portal
I know it might be obvious, but since it’s easier said than done, I’m going to say it: To heal we must allow ourselves to feel it all. Like all, all. This is the moment we reconnect with your inner child and give her the care she needs. Reflect on the relationship to understand the lessons. Why did it end? What role did you both play? What do you need in a relationship going forward? Really process your emotions. And I know it can be intense and exhausting, but don’t rush the healing process - acknowledge that it’s okay to feel lost, to have sleepless nights and to struggle - you are human. Give yourself time and compassion, my love.
It’s also okay to ask for support. Whether from a coach, therapist or friends - reaching out is a strength, not a weakness. Surround yourself with people who love you and who can help you through this journey.
“Ask, and you shall receive.”
Final Words to My Younger Self
If I could tell my younger self one thing during those years of trying to let go of my fiancé, it would be: Focus on yourself, my love. It takes time, but the sooner you shift the focus back to yourself, the easier it becomes to move towards the life you dream of. Invest in your selfcare, healing, personal growth and passions. Trust the process - what’s meant for you will come.
With love,
Mel
